Weekend Report: The Fastest, Most Furious April Weekend Ever

by Furious
April 7th, 2009

Who knew that dropping those pesky definite articles would be such a good idea? Fast & Furious made every other movie that has ever come out in the month of April look like an idiot, finishing the weekend with $70,950,500. Needless to say, it also made me look like an idiot for predicting $40,297,220. The previous king of April was Anger Management, nearly $30 million below the new mark set by Fast & Furious.

I thought The Fast and The Furious was a one-off movie with an idea abused for a couple who-gives-a-shit sequels, an idea- people race cars, oh and they’re criminals- that has been fairly well played out. I mean, they just ripped off Point Break and changed the surfboards to cars. They even went to the trouble to cast Paul Walker, an actor as inexpressive and disinterested as …

Popularity: 35% [?]

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30 Great Sequels That Haven’t Happened. Yet.

by Furious
March 5th, 2009

Castaway 2: Wilson’s Revenge

The Deer Hunter: The Next Generation

Harry and the Hendersons 2: Let’s Get Hairy

Remo Williams: The Adventure Ends

Chaplin II: 23 Skidoo

The Continuing Adventures of Ford Fairlane

The Return of George Kaplan: North by Northwest 2

American History XI

8ight

The Fourth Man

Platoon 2: In the Shit

Searching for Bobby Fischer 2, Learning to Castle

Jerry Maguire: Holdout

Traffic Jam – An Easy Rider Tale

Yours, Mine and Ours 2: Who’s Your Daddy?

Breakfast at Tiffany’s: Out to Brunch!

Freaks 2: Freakier

Singing in the Rain: Thunderstorm

Some Like it Hotter

Tranquilizer: The Big Sleep 2

Fargo 2: Whiteout

Triple Indemnity

Lawrence of Arabia: Trek to Mecca

Full Metal Jacket 2 – Bulletproof

Punching Bag,

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Popularity: 15% [?]

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Porn and Hamlet SOUNDS Like A Good Idea…

by Furious
March 2nd, 2009

Okay, maybe the combination of porn and Hamlet appeals more to Shakespearean fetishists. I suppose there are people out there that could be really turned on by pornstars speaking their lines in iambic pentameter. But no, I didn’t get to experience this new art form, I got the porn and Hamlet in two different movies: Zack and Miri Make a Porno and Hamlet 2.

Zack and Miri, it’s about these two people named Zack and Miri. They’re like best friends and all, they’ve lived together since high school, but it’s like totally platonic. And these two, it’s a bit of a surprise, but they’re financially retarded. Despite both having regular jobs, they can’t seem to pay a single damn bill. Then Zack gets an inspired idea, they should totally make a porno. Miri, being the reasonable, responsible one, hems and haws

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Popularity: 16% [?]

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Weekend Predictions: 02-06-09

by Furious
February 6th, 2009

If you’re going to see a movie this month, might as well make it this weekend. This is as good as it’ll get until March, when some event movies start showing up. Until then it just gets more bleak every week.

Don’t be embarrassed to ogle the spreadsheet.

First up this week is The Pink Panther 2. No, this isn’t a re-release and re-titling of A Shot in the Dark, it’s a sequel to 2006’s The Pink Panther. The first one made plenty of money, so a sequel was inevitable and I predict, as worthless. Steve Martin, shame on you. While Martin should be walking around wearing a scarlet thumbs down, the real asshole is producer Robert Simonds. There are movies in his filmography that people seem to like, but there isn’t one

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Popularity: 21% [?]

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Time For A Predator Do-Over

by Furious
January 31st, 2009

Just because a movie was made, does that necessitate that it needs to be remade? That damn well seems the case lately, with practically every movie made between 1970 and 1990 getting a do-over.

The whole 3-D thing, it’s not just that it opens a new revenue stream for the studios. Part of the inertia behind it is so when all these movies are remade a second time, they’ll all be in 3-D. It’ll be different enough so that John Q. Moviepatron won’t realize that he’s seeing the same thing for a third time.

The rumors have started to solidify around a Predator remake. It’s been something Robert Rodriguez has been involved with for some time, but it’s getting closer to happening. Predator. Predator 2. Predator Remake. I didn’t know either the franchise was dead or that people were clamoring

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Popularity: 18% [?]

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Truth In Advertising?

by Furious
January 19th, 2009

I inadvertently saw a commercial for Without a Paddle: Nature Calling, which was apparently released on DVD last week. It was news to me, but anything about this movie would be because I would never advertently try to gain any info on this movie. It must be a sequel to the Seth Green/Matthew Lillard/Dax Shepard barnburner Without a Paddle.

Ordinarily seeing a commercial for a sequel I would never see to a movie I never saw and have no plans to see would cause my brain to engage boob tube zombie mode where the images hit my eyeballs but fail to leave a lasting impression on my cerebral cortex. Unfortunately something caught my attention and now, for better or worse but most likely worse, I’ll forever have a part of my brain dedicated to Without a Paddle: Nature Calling.

So what was so incredible that it could break through my zombie-like state

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Popularity: 19% [?]

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Is Aaron Eckhart As Two-Faced As His Character?

by Furious
January 12th, 2009

Back in September, Aaron Eckhart was unequivocal in his statement that Harvey Dent/Two-Face would not be returning for a sequel to The Dark Knight. He said the character was “dead as a doornail” and “ain’t coming back.”

Either Eckhart spoke too soon (even thought he did consult director Christopher Nolan) or he is as two-faced as his character because he’s changing his tune. He parallels the character’s status with that of it’s onscreen counterpart- not dead, but in a coma. Maybe he’ll pull through, maybe he won’t.

I’ve never had much interest in comics or superheroes, but I liked The Dark Knight well enough. Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker was outstanding. The story was exciting. The semi flipping over was like, whoa.

Christian Bale’s growling aside, the thing I didn’t like about The Dark Knight, actually hated

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Popularity: 16% [?]

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Hairspray 2: Who Gets The Fat Suit?

by Furious
December 1st, 2008

When I say that there’s going to be a Hairspary sequel, there’s no doubt you’re thrown into a whirling cauldron of confusion trying to figure out exactly what I’m talking about. A sequel to the 1988 movie? A movie version of the Broadway sequel to the show based on the 1988 movie? No, it’s a sequel to the 2007 movie because that one made enough money to suggest there are plenty of people willing to get suckered into buying a ticket- not because there’s a compelling reason to continue the story. The movie will focus on the “superpolitical” late 1960s and the changing landscape of popular music. In other words- same story, different costumes, new soundtrack CD.

In one of the few things I’ll respect John Travolta for, he’s already said he’s out of the sequel and generally despises the whole sequel thing. That’s a

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Popularity: 19% [?]

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Weekend Predictions: 11-7-08

by Furious
November 7th, 2008

Here we are, the first full weekend of November- the first weekend with a 4,000+ screen movie since The Dark Knight.

Popularity: 13% [?]

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