Weekend Predictions: 04-17-09

The new ideas, they keep on rolling out of Hollywood. Take this weekend for instance. An adult mysteriously turns back into a teenager. A political thriller guaranteeing a bunch of twists. A sequel to a mindless action movie. Nope, never heard of any of those before.

17 Again wouldn’t amount to nothing if folks of the female persuasion didn’t fall all over themselves to see Zac Efron. Seriously, the people-changing-ages-and-learning-a-valuable-life-lesson genre is as played out as any and putting Matthew Perry’s name on a movie means about pretty much near nothing. So this thing is going to rely on the guy from High School Musical. And most likely, it’ll do just fine. I’m going to float a guess of $26,270,805.

The second biggest release [...]

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Weekend Report: The Fastest, Most Furious April Weekend Ever

fast-and-furiousWho knew that dropping those pesky definite articles would be such a good idea? Fast & Furious made every other movie that has ever come out in the month of April look like an idiot, finishing the weekend with $70,950,500. Needless to say, it also made me look like an idiot for predicting $40,297,220. The previous king of April was Anger Management, nearly $30 million below the new mark set by Fast & Furious.

I thought The Fast and The Furious was a one-off movie with an idea abused for a couple who-gives-a-shit sequels, an idea- people race cars, oh and they’re criminals- that has been fairly well played out. I mean, they just ripped [...]

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30 Great Sequels That Haven’t Happened. Yet.

Castaway 2: Wilson’s Revenge

The Deer Hunter: The Next Generation

Harry and the Hendersons 2: Let’s Get Hairy

Remo Williams: The Adventure Ends

Chaplin II: 23 Skidoo

The Continuing Adventures of Ford Fairlane

The Return of George Kaplan: North by Northwest 2

American History XI

8ight

The Fourth Man

Platoon 2: In the Shit

Searching for Bobby Fischer 2, Learning to Castle

Jerry Maguire: Holdout

Traffic Jam – An Easy Rider Tale

Yours, Mine and Ours 2: Who’s Your Daddy?

Breakfast at Tiffany’s: Out to Brunch!

Freaks 2: Freakier

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Porn and Hamlet SOUNDS Like A Good Idea…

naughty-shakespeareOkay, maybe the combination of porn and Hamlet appeals more to Shakespearean fetishists. I suppose there are people out there that could be really turned on by pornstars speaking their lines in iambic pentameter. But no, I didn’t get to experience this new art form, I got the porn and Hamlet in two different movies: Zack and Miri Make a Porno and Hamlet 2.

Zack and Miri, it’s about these two people named Zack and Miri. They’re like best friends and all, they’ve lived together since high school, but it’s like totally platonic. And these two, it’s a bit of a surprise, but they’re financially retarded. Despite both having regular jobs, they can’t seem to [...]

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Weekend Predictions: 02-06-09

this-baby-says-boringIf you’re going to see a movie this month, might as well make it this weekend. This is as good as it’ll get until March, when some event movies start showing up. Until then it just gets more bleak every week.

Don’t be embarrassed to ogle the spreadsheet.

First up this week is The Pink Panther 2. No, this isn’t a re-release and re-titling of A Shot in the Dark, it’s a sequel to 2006′s The Pink Panther. The first one made plenty of money, so a sequel was inevitable and I predict, as worthless. Steve Martin, shame on you. While Martin should be walking around wearing a scarlet thumbs down, the real asshole is [...]

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Time For A Predator Do-Over

angry-predatorJust because a movie was made, does that necessitate that it needs to be remade? That damn well seems the case lately, with practically every movie made between 1970 and 1990 getting a do-over.

The whole 3-D thing, it’s not just that it opens a new revenue stream for the studios. Part of the inertia behind it is so when all these movies are remade a second time, they’ll all be in 3-D. It’ll be different enough so that John Q. Moviepatron won’t realize that he’s seeing the same thing for a third time.

The rumors have started to solidify around a Predator remake. It’s been something Robert Rodriguez has been involved with for some [...]

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Truth In Advertising?

I inadvertently saw a commercial for Without a Paddle: Nature Calling, which was apparently released on DVD last week. It was news to me, but anything about this movie would be because I would never advertently try to gain any info on this movie. It must be a sequel to the Seth Green/Matthew Lillard/Dax Shepard barnburner Without a Paddle.

Ordinarily seeing a commercial for a sequel I would never see to a movie I never saw and have no plans to see would cause my brain to engage boob tube zombie mode where the images hit my eyeballs but fail to leave a lasting impression on my cerebral cortex. Unfortunately something caught my attention and now, for better or worse but most likely worse, [...]

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Is Aaron Eckhart As Two-Faced As His Character?

two-face-hospitalBack in September, Aaron Eckhart was unequivocal in his statement that Harvey Dent/Two-Face would not be returning for a sequel to The Dark Knight. He said the character was “dead as a doornail” and “ain’t coming back.”

Either Eckhart spoke too soon (even thought he did consult director Christopher Nolan) or he is as two-faced as his character because he’s changing his tune. He parallels the character’s status with that of it’s onscreen counterpart- not dead, but in a coma. Maybe he’ll pull through, maybe he won’t.

I’ve never had much interest in comics or superheroes, but I liked The Dark Knight well enough. Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker was outstanding. The story was [...]

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Hairspray 2: Who Gets The Fat Suit?

When I say that there’s going to be a Hairspary sequel, there’s no doubt you’re thrown into a whirling cauldron of confusion trying to figure out exactly what I’m talking about. A sequel to the 1988 movie? A movie version of the Broadway sequel to the show based on the 1988 movie? No, it’s a sequel to the 2007 movie because that one made enough money to suggest there are plenty of people willing to get suckered into buying a ticket- not because there’s a compelling reason to continue the story. The movie will focus on the “superpolitical” late 1960s and the changing landscape of popular music. In other words- same story, different costumes, new soundtrack CD.

In one of the few things I’ll [...]

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Weekend Predictions: 11-7-08

Here we are, the first full weekend of November- the first weekend with a 4,000+ screen movie since The Dark Knight. [...]

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