Weekend Predictions: 02-06-09

this-baby-says-boringIf you’re going to see a movie this month, might as well make it this weekend. This is as good as it’ll get until March, when some event movies start showing up. Until then it just gets more bleak every week.

Don’t be embarrassed to ogle the spreadsheet.

First up this week is The Pink Panther 2. No, this isn’t a re-release and re-titling of A Shot in the Dark, it’s a sequel to 2006′s The Pink Panther. The first one made plenty of money, so a sequel was inevitable and I predict, as worthless. Steve Martin, shame on you. While Martin should be walking around wearing a scarlet thumbs down, the real asshole is [...]

Continue reading  Weekend Predictions: 02-06-09

Weekend Predictions: 01-30-09

This will most likely be a poor weekend for movies. If you hadn’t heard, “The Big Game” is this Sunday. “The Big Game” is the Super Bowl, but since the NFL protects it’s intellectual properties like no other, you’ll hear “The Big Game” a whole lot more than Super Bowl. They tried to trademark “The Big Game” too, but that was going too far. Since the Super Bowl effectively makes Sunday the day the Earth stands still, probably going to cut into box office returns.

Check out the prediction calculations here.

The biggest new release of the weekend is Taken. The difference between this and the Luc Besson-Jason Statham actioners is that Liam Neeson is a fairly respected actor and gives the movie a [...]

Continue reading  Weekend Predictions: 01-30-09

Weekend Predictions: 01-23-09

rise-of-the-lycansNot a great weekend for new movies, this. Only two new movies will appear in more than 81 theaters, and then less than 3,000. But if you like those movies that were nominated for Academy Awards, several are expanding to wider releases. Now’s the time for them to capitalize on all that award buzz.

Check out all my detailed calculations here.

The biggest new release is the much anticipated Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, in 2,942 theaters. The first Underworld was a pretty decent movie, but the second one started getting a little too concerned with the mythology, but heck, it did outgross the first one. Even though the third installment goes to new, nerdlier, [...]

Continue reading  Weekend Predictions: 01-23-09

Weekend Predictions: 01-16-09

It’s January and the studios are still cleansing their bowels of the movies that can’t hang with the big boys. If you don’t believe me, I offer implicit proof in the form of Hotel for Dogs being the widest release this weekend.

I’d like enter this spreadsheet into evidence as exhibit A.

Hotel for Dogs is being unleashed in 3,271 theaters this weekend. It’s a movie about a couple of kids that turn a dilapidated hotel into a refuge for stray dogs. I wish someone would have put a muzzle on the guy that pitched this idea. Dog jokes used up. The movie stars a couple kids who’ve appeared in a couple kid movies and is directed by a guy who’s few movies weren’t [...]

Continue reading  Weekend Predictions: 01-16-09

The Ruins Ruined A Perfectly Good Hour And A Half

I saw this movie about a group of college-aged Americans on vacation in a remote foreign locale who meet some Europeans who are also vacationing and some of these people are killed by an evil entity this is protected and/or fueled by the locals. Did I see A) Turistas, B) Hostel, C) Hostel Part II, D) The Ruins, or E) some other generic horror movie that follows the same formula. If you’ve been following since the title, you probably guessed The Ruins. And I’d say you’re probably right, but I can’t say for sure since these movies all kind of blend together into a haze of blood, stupidity, and vivisection.

the-ruins-templeWhat sets The Ruins apart [...]

Continue reading  The Ruins Ruined A Perfectly Good Hour And A Half

Weekend Predictions: 01-09-09

the-unborn-posterFinally, some new releases for 2009. Since we’re now out of award qualification season, we’ll start to see more crappy movies as the studios dump them into the toilet bowl that is January. The two biggest new releases this weekend are Bride Wars and The Unborn. Please, whatever you do, go see something else. See Marley and Me again. Watch clouds pass by. Just don’t see either of these two movies- your brains cells will be better for it.

Check out all the details on the spreadsheet.

Two women, best friends, are getting married. They’ll be each other’s maids of honor. They’ve both booked their dream venue, The Plaza Hotel. But by some fluke their [...]

Continue reading  Weekend Predictions: 01-09-09

Public Domain Movie Of The Week: The Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari

dr-caligari-peekingThe Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, or of you want to impress your friends with your fluency in German- Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari, is often considered to be the first horror movie ever made. It’s debatable as to what the first horror movie actually is, or what constitutes horror for that matter, but most people give it to Caligari. But any debate on that is pretty irrelevant because Dr. Caligari is one heck of a movie.

Told mostly in flashback, the story centers on the evil Dr. Caligari. He travels the countryside wowing people with the predictions of his psychic somnambulist. During one of his shows at a local fair, a man asks the somnambulist [...]

Continue reading  Public Domain Movie Of The Week: The Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari

Public Domain Movie Of The Week: Night Of The Living Dead

The modern zombie, the mindless, shambling, flesh- and brain-eating undead ghoul, was born in Night of the Living Dead. [...]

Continue reading  Public Domain Movie Of The Week: Night Of The Living Dead

4 Totally Awesome Movies Based On Board Games, And 1 Crappy One

In honor of the announcement that Ridley Scott is going to direct a movie based on Monopoly, I’ve compiled a list of the greatest movies based on board games. [...]

Continue reading  4 Totally Awesome Movies Based On Board Games, And 1 Crappy One

Public Domain Movie Of The Week Double Feature

To get warmed up for Halloween, I present two of the most frightening horror movies you could ever want to see, Freaks and Nosferatu. [...]

Continue reading  Public Domain Movie Of The Week Double Feature

Page 2 of 3123