Battleship Movie Heads To Drydock

battleshipIt’s been, golly, like a couple weeks since any news of a board game movie has surfaced. I hoped that people finally realized what stupid ideas these movies were and quietly axed them all. Yeah, it was naive of me to think that.

Hasbro finally broke the board game radio silence, announcing they’re getting close to convincing Peter Berg to direct the movie adaptation of Battleship. Obviously, since there is no plot in the game, details on a possible story are nonexistent, unless saying they’ve going for an epic naval action adventure-y type of movie counts as plot details.

Berg is a passable enough director, but it’s going to take a hell of a [...]

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Hollywood Got A Clue, And They’ll Get Another

Hasbro has made it known recently that they are completely unfulfilled with just selling toys and board games. I guess they’re hurting like everyone else, unable to get their net income out of the low hundreds of millions.

To beef up the income statement, they’re making movies out of every damn property they’ve got, be it a game for babies or some random damn toy. Monopoly, Candy Land, Stretch-Friggin-Armstrong. Really, there are no depths they won’t plumb.

But for some reason, some shitass fucking reason, that’s not good enough. They can’t just pick some game off the shelf, throw it on the table and call it good. Nooooo. They’ve got to go after the one, THE LONE, SINGLE BOARD GAME MOVIE THAT ALREADY EXISTS [...]

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Legendary Icon Stretch Armstrong To Hit The Big Screen

stretch-armstrongFinally, after 33 long, insufferable years, the limber-limbed hero who has brought hope and joy to millions is finally recognized by Hollywood for what he truly is- another familiar property upon which to capitalize.

You’ve long heard of the epic battles of Stretch Armstrong and his mortal enemy Evil X-ray Wretch Armstrong. Two diametrically opposed masters of elasticity that have viciously fought over the souls of all mankind. The heroic exploits of Stretch Armstrong have become part of the very fabric of our lives. They are the legends from which legends are born.

Master of introspective reflection and the subtleties of character interaction Steve Oedekerk has been hired to try to create a screenplay worthy [...]

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