Weekend Predictions: 03-20-09

by Furious
March 20th, 2009

This weekend Hollywood is changing things up a bit. Instead of giving us another Disney family movie, another horror remake, and another sex comedy made by a bunch of people no one has ever heard of, we get an action movie, some sort of spy movie, and a dick flick- it’s like a chick flick but about guys and features dirty jokes rather than romance.

The big movie this weekend is Knowing, kind of a big scif-fi/action/thriller sort of thing. Nicolas Cage digs up a time capsule and finds it chock full of predictions of the future- some that have come true and some that have yet to. It sounds like it could be more garbage along the lines of Next, but Ale Proyas is the director and he’s got a pretty decent reputation. This should be number one this weekend and pull in around $28,260,499.

I Love You, …

Popularity: 27% [?]

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Porn and Hamlet SOUNDS Like A Good Idea…

by Furious
March 2nd, 2009

Okay, maybe the combination of porn and Hamlet appeals more to Shakespearean fetishists. I suppose there are people out there that could be really turned on by pornstars speaking their lines in iambic pentameter. But no, I didn’t get to experience this new art form, I got the porn and Hamlet in two different movies: Zack and Miri Make a Porno and Hamlet 2.

Zack and Miri, it’s about these two people named Zack and Miri. They’re like best friends and all, they’ve lived together since high school, but it’s like totally platonic. And these two, it’s a bit of a surprise, but they’re financially retarded. Despite both having regular jobs, they can’t seem to pay a single damn bill. Then Zack gets an inspired idea, they should totally make a porno. Miri, being the reasonable, responsible one, hems and haws

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Popularity: 16% [?]

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Weekend Predictions: 02-20-09

by Furious
February 20th, 2009

With the Academy Awards this Sunday, Hollywood is pulling out all the stops to use this weekend to showcase the best in movies. So it follows that they’ve given us not one, but TWO great new comedies to choose from. You have your choice of the ever popular dude-looks-like-a-lady comedy or the equally popular horny-ass teenager comedy. Life… is… good. At least that’s what my psychiatrist tells me to say when I become disillusioned by the state of cinema and start ogling the razor blades.

If you’re into cross-dressing, or even if you’re just into looking at cross-dressers, you lucked out this weekend. Tyler Perry is back, again, with more of his cross-dressing antics in Madea Goes to Jail. The only question is if he decides to eschew his normal formula and do something more along the lines of

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Popularity: 17% [?]

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Weekend Report: Mall Cop Makes Good

by Furious
January 21st, 2009

The biggest movie this weekend was, as Paul Harvey said, “something called Paul Blart: Mall Cop.” Somehow this movie exceeded everyone’s expectations, including Sony Pictures. It was the only new movie that is really accessible to all demographics and it took advantage of it.

Paul Blart made me look pretty stupid for predicting $13,028,182. The total for the three day weekend came to $31,832,636. Unfortunately my formula is unable to account for the tastes of American moviegoers. One weekend it’s an aging actor in what could be his career-defining role (Gran Torino), the next it’s a critically-bashed Die Hard-esque family comedy. Go figure. For those interested, blart is a portmanteau of the words blood and fart.

My Bloody Valentine 3-D came in third at $21,241,456. I nearly nailed this prediction, off just 4%. Valentine was released in digital 3-D in 1,033 theaters, the most ever for the format, and

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Popularity: 14% [?]

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Did Mike Meyers Make The Worst Movie Of 2008?

by Furious
January 3rd, 2009

Up until a few years ago, I always felt compelled to finish watching a movie once I started. I think it’s most likely that I’ve always thought that even if a movie doesn’t entertain, at least I could learn what makes a movie bad. I’m not sure if I’ve just seen enough movies that I get bored easily or that I’ve finally realized I won’t be around forever and value my remaining time way too much, but if I can’t find a reason to keep watching a movie past the first act, I’m done.

One of the most recent victims of my new philosophy was The Love Guru. And I couldn’t even give that pile until the first act. By the time it got to the hockey rink, I was through with it. In those few minutes it was annoying, stupid, idiotic,

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Popularity: 22% [?]

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Oscars Might Be Worth Watching

by Furious
December 12th, 2008

I used to watch the Academy Awards religiously. But I stopped watching them as of 2005. The predictability of the winners, celebrity idolization, and grating Tonight Show format created a perfect storm of disgust, so I just read about the winners the next day.

The rumor is that this year the producers are going to chose a non-comedian to host and dump the intro monologue/song-and-dance. This is great news! The format is tired and the jokes always either childish or ego-stroking. Other than to stretch the show out to sell more advertising, I never really saw the point of the big comedy segments. It almost got the feel of a variety show at times.

They needed to do something to liven things up- last year’s Oscars was the lowest rated since ratings for the show were tracked. Some point

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Popularity: 19% [?]

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Lost Genre: Mad Dash

by Furious
November 19th, 2008

A Mad Dash is easily identified- it’s a comedy with a cast full of famous actors, celebrities, and comedians who are all frantically chasing after some prize.

Popularity: 17% [?]

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The Three Stooges Ride Again?

by Furious
November 4th, 2008

Next up for the Farrelly Brothers will be perhaps the most ambitiously repugnant thing they’ve attempted yet, a Three Stooges movie.

Popularity: 11% [?]

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Public Domain Movie Of The Week: His Girl Friday

by Furious
September 23rd, 2008

For the inaugural edition of Public Domain Movie of the Week, what better choice than His Girl Friday? Directed by the legendary Howard Hawks and starring Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell, it is a classic, some would say the classic, screwball comedy.

Popularity: 5% [?]

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