Battleship Movie Heads To Drydock

battleshipIt’s been, golly, like a couple weeks since any news of a board game movie has surfaced. I hoped that people finally realized what stupid ideas these movies were and quietly axed them all. Yeah, it was naive of me to think that.

Hasbro finally broke the board game radio silence, announcing they’re getting close to convincing Peter Berg to direct the movie adaptation of Battleship. Obviously, since there is no plot in the game, details on a possible story are nonexistent, unless saying they’ve going for an epic naval action adventure-y type of movie counts as plot details.

Berg is a passable enough director, but it’s going to take a hell of a [...]

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No One Knows What To Do With These Board Game Movies

cant-believe-thisWith a deluge of board game movies in pre-production, and more announced damn near every day, you’d think Hasbro (who seems to be behind all of these things) would have some plan, some formula to get these things on the big screen. It seems like they’re just randomly selecting a property and throwing it out there with a pile of money, giving the project to whomever trips over it. But really, they’ve got to have some plan, right?

MTV was able to get the scoop on a couple of these movies and it seems, just like we may ponder about how the hell it could translate into a movie, the filmmakers haven’t a clue either.

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Hollywood Got A Clue, And They’ll Get Another

Hasbro has made it known recently that they are completely unfulfilled with just selling toys and board games. I guess they’re hurting like everyone else, unable to get their net income out of the low hundreds of millions.

To beef up the income statement, they’re making movies out of every damn property they’ve got, be it a game for babies or some random damn toy. Monopoly, Candy Land, Stretch-Friggin-Armstrong. Really, there are no depths they won’t plumb.

But for some reason, some shitass fucking reason, that’s not good enough. They can’t just pick some game off the shelf, throw it on the table and call it good. Nooooo. They’ve got to go after the one, THE LONE, SINGLE BOARD GAME MOVIE THAT ALREADY EXISTS [...]

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Great Caesar’s Ghost! Candy Land The Movie?!

I could swear I remember reading something about board game movies being one of the signs of the Apocalypse. Well, maybe not, but they certainly sound like something that could only happen before our world comes to an end.

Movies based on board games have thankfully been few and far between, but they’ve suddenly turned into one of the preeminent genres in movies. First comes the head-scratcher that Ridley Scott is going to direct a movie based on Monopoly. Somehow that announcement legitimized board games as an honest place to go dumpster diving for ideas.

Now we can also prepare ourselves to receive the cinematic wonders of a movie based on Candy Land, the basically premise-less game- you draw cards to move along colored [...]

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