Battleship Movie Heads To Drydock

battleshipIt’s been, golly, like a couple weeks since any news of a board game movie has surfaced. I hoped that people finally realized what stupid ideas these movies were and quietly axed them all. Yeah, it was naive of me to think that.

Hasbro finally broke the board game radio silence, announcing they’re getting close to convincing Peter Berg to direct the movie adaptation of Battleship. Obviously, since there is no plot in the game, details on a possible story are nonexistent, unless saying they’ve going for an epic naval action adventure-y type of movie counts as plot details.

Berg is a passable enough director, but it’s going to take a hell of a [...]

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Hollywood Got A Clue, And They’ll Get Another

Hasbro has made it known recently that they are completely unfulfilled with just selling toys and board games. I guess they’re hurting like everyone else, unable to get their net income out of the low hundreds of millions.

To beef up the income statement, they’re making movies out of every damn property they’ve got, be it a game for babies or some random damn toy. Monopoly, Candy Land, Stretch-Friggin-Armstrong. Really, there are no depths they won’t plumb.

But for some reason, some shitass fucking reason, that’s not good enough. They can’t just pick some game off the shelf, throw it on the table and call it good. Nooooo. They’ve got to go after the one, THE LONE, SINGLE BOARD GAME MOVIE THAT ALREADY EXISTS [...]

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A-Team Movie Nearing A Reality

“In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.”

a-team-picHas there ever been a better premise for a TV show? The A-Team worked because it was exciting (at least to a little kid), silly, and perfectly cast. Could you find two actors as disparate as George Peppard and Mr. T? Doubtful, but the characters really [...]

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The Ruins Ruined A Perfectly Good Hour And A Half

I saw this movie about a group of college-aged Americans on vacation in a remote foreign locale who meet some Europeans who are also vacationing and some of these people are killed by an evil entity this is protected and/or fueled by the locals. Did I see A) Turistas, B) Hostel, C) Hostel Part II, D) The Ruins, or E) some other generic horror movie that follows the same formula. If you’ve been following since the title, you probably guessed The Ruins. And I’d say you’re probably right, but I can’t say for sure since these movies all kind of blend together into a haze of blood, stupidity, and vivisection.

the-ruins-templeWhat sets The Ruins apart [...]

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New Great Gatsby Sure To Have An Excess Of Excess

baz-luhrmann-directsIt could be that the last film adaptation was 34 years ago and is ripe for the picking. Or maybe The Curious Case of Benjamin Button started a run on F. Scott Fitzgerald’s books. Whatever the reason, Baz Luhrmann has purchased the rights to The Great Gatsby. There hasn’t been any development on the project since Luhrmann’s waiting until after Australia’s award run (yeah right).

I personally consider Luhrmann to be the Tobe Hooper of romance- if it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing. Even though he doesn’t really do subtlety, Luhrmann has been able to embrace his cinematic flamboyance to great success. Who knows how it would have turned out, but I still wonder what [...]

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Ridley Scott To Roll The Dice On Monopoly

It is with total WTF stunned puzzlement that I pass along that Scott is attached to direct a movie based on the Monopoly board game. [...]

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A New Space Odyssey

It looks like Brad Pitt is a big fan of Homer- the Greek poet, not Simpson. Not only did he star in Troy, the adaptation of Homer’s Iliad, but he’ll also star in an upcoming adaptation of Homer’s Odyssey. [...]

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Tim Burton Picks Up A Couple Queens

The latest news on the new Alice in Wonderland movie is the casting of woman-Tim-Burton-will-have-kids-with-but-won’t-marry Helena Bonham Carter and girl-with-the-Photoshopped-face Anne Hathaway. [...]

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Public Domain Movie Of The Week: The Last Man On Earth

This week’s movie is The Last Man on Earth. Vincent Price stars as the last normal man on Earth- everyone else has been infected by a disease which turned them into vampires. [...]

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Where Do They Reimagine This Stuff?

Variety offers up all the gory details of a Moby Dick remake or adaptation or what have you. Yes, the “graphic novel-style version” of Moby Dick, now in movie form! That’s right, the tale of man’s futile obsession with conquering nature will be turned into a story of a crazed whale and the heroic captain that harpooned it’s ass. [...]

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