Jackie Chan Exposes China’s Softer Side

jackie-chanIt’s been a while since Jackie Chan has been relevant. Once he broke into the US market, he was too bankable to keep on performing all his crazy stunts and seems to have put much more effort into coming up with a wider array of expressive faces to mug at the camera.

His next movie will be a departure from most anything else he’s done, playing a mechanic who goes in search of his girlfriend and ends up working as a killer for the Yakuza. It’s supposed to be heavy on drama and very light on action. Chan himself says it might be about 1% action.

But it looks like even 1% action is too [...]

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Legendary Icon Stretch Armstrong To Hit The Big Screen

stretch-armstrongFinally, after 33 long, insufferable years, the limber-limbed hero who has brought hope and joy to millions is finally recognized by Hollywood for what he truly is- another familiar property upon which to capitalize.

You’ve long heard of the epic battles of Stretch Armstrong and his mortal enemy Evil X-ray Wretch Armstrong. Two diametrically opposed masters of elasticity that have viciously fought over the souls of all mankind. The heroic exploits of Stretch Armstrong have become part of the very fabric of our lives. They are the legends from which legends are born.

Master of introspective reflection and the subtleties of character interaction Steve Oedekerk has been hired to try to create a screenplay worthy [...]

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Great Caesar’s Ghost! Candy Land The Movie?!

I could swear I remember reading something about board game movies being one of the signs of the Apocalypse. Well, maybe not, but they certainly sound like something that could only happen before our world comes to an end.

Movies based on board games have thankfully been few and far between, but they’ve suddenly turned into one of the preeminent genres in movies. First comes the head-scratcher that Ridley Scott is going to direct a movie based on Monopoly. Somehow that announcement legitimized board games as an honest place to go dumpster diving for ideas.

Now we can also prepare ourselves to receive the cinematic wonders of a movie based on Candy Land, the basically premise-less game- you draw cards to move along colored [...]

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OHDEARGOD A Slapshot Remake?

slap-shotCompared to other sports, hockey has been relatively untouched by Hollywood. It’d be easier to name a high percentage of all the hockey movies ever made than any other sport. I’m not sure how many there really are, but this list of hockey movies has everything I could think of and a few I’ve never heard of, 16 in all. Maybe it’s our way of showing Canada that they’re just America’s hat. Or maybe it’s just not popular enough to garner much attention.

Even though there have been so few hockey movies, it looks like all the hockey ideas have been used up. Universal Pictures is prepping a remake of Slap Shot. It’s often regarded [...]

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Time For A Predator Do-Over

angry-predatorJust because a movie was made, does that necessitate that it needs to be remade? That damn well seems the case lately, with practically every movie made between 1970 and 1990 getting a do-over.

The whole 3-D thing, it’s not just that it opens a new revenue stream for the studios. Part of the inertia behind it is so when all these movies are remade a second time, they’ll all be in 3-D. It’ll be different enough so that John Q. Moviepatron won’t realize that he’s seeing the same thing for a third time.

The rumors have started to solidify around a Predator remake. It’s been something Robert Rodriguez has been involved with for some [...]

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Rebooting Tomb Raider- The Movie, Not The Game

lara-croft-rhona-mitraDo you happen to remember the movie Lara Croft: Tomb Raider? How about Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life? Yes? No? Doesn’t matter, they’re starting from scratch.

When Time Warner upped it’s stake in video game publisher Eidos in December, the film rights to Tomb Raider were part of the deal. Now they’ve announced the rebooting of the Tomb Raider movie franchise, replete with a reworking of the Lara Croft character- new back-story, villains, love interests, yippee! I mean that whole thing with her being a rich English adventurer following in the footsteps of her dad was sooooo tired. It totally needs a revamp because… who the hell knows? A total whitewashing of [...]

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A-Team Movie Nearing A Reality

“In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.”

a-team-picHas there ever been a better premise for a TV show? The A-Team worked because it was exciting (at least to a little kid), silly, and perfectly cast. Could you find two actors as disparate as George Peppard and Mr. T? Doubtful, but the characters really [...]

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Is Aaron Eckhart As Two-Faced As His Character?

two-face-hospitalBack in September, Aaron Eckhart was unequivocal in his statement that Harvey Dent/Two-Face would not be returning for a sequel to The Dark Knight. He said the character was “dead as a doornail” and “ain’t coming back.”

Either Eckhart spoke too soon (even thought he did consult director Christopher Nolan) or he is as two-faced as his character because he’s changing his tune. He parallels the character’s status with that of it’s onscreen counterpart- not dead, but in a coma. Maybe he’ll pull through, maybe he won’t.

I’ve never had much interest in comics or superheroes, but I liked The Dark Knight well enough. Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker was outstanding. The story was [...]

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The Expendables Gets Better

sylvester-stallone-punchI previously posed that Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables might be the greatest movie ever made. With every tidbit of news that seeps out about the movie, that idea moves from postulate to fact.

The latest news on the greatest movie is that Mickey Rourke is joining the cast. He’ll play an arms dealer that outfits the mercenaries in their attempt to overthrow a South American dictator. Rourke will join Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Jason Statham, and Randy Couture, with Forest Whitaker and Sir Ben Kingsley also contemplating roles.

The buzz surrounding Rourke’s performance in The Wrestler couldn’t have hurt, but Stallone and Rourke have been on good terms since Get Carter, Rourke’s return to [...]

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New Great Gatsby Sure To Have An Excess Of Excess

baz-luhrmann-directsIt could be that the last film adaptation was 34 years ago and is ripe for the picking. Or maybe The Curious Case of Benjamin Button started a run on F. Scott Fitzgerald’s books. Whatever the reason, Baz Luhrmann has purchased the rights to The Great Gatsby. There hasn’t been any development on the project since Luhrmann’s waiting until after Australia’s award run (yeah right).

I personally consider Luhrmann to be the Tobe Hooper of romance- if it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing. Even though he doesn’t really do subtlety, Luhrmann has been able to embrace his cinematic flamboyance to great success. Who knows how it would have turned out, but I still wonder what [...]

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