Fox CEO Claims Ratings Promote Piracy

by Furious
May 4th, 2009

The Swedish Board of Film Censors gave X-Men Origins: Wolverine a 15 classification, the highest rating the board can give, which prevents anyone under 15 from gaining admittance to the movie. Fox Sweden CEO Hansi Mandoki was obviously upset about the decision since now all those violence-hungry Swedish teenagers can’t get their blood and gore fix.

But Mandoki couldn’t just stop by saying “it is sad that so many fans won’t be able to see the film.” No, he had to keep on whining by claiming “I’m certain the decision will mean more illegal downloading of the film.”

Hearing a studio exec bitch and moan about someone not being able to see a movie, that’s nothing new. No, they’d probably serve up porn to preschoolers if it could turn a profit. They really don’t seem to care who’s …

Popularity: 30% [?]

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3D Moving Out Of Theaters, Into Homes

by Furious
April 20th, 2009

It’s no secret that, for ill or for nil, 3D is going to be the next big thing for movies. Sure 3D movies are nothing new, but they faded into obscurity for a couple decades and if there’s anything Hollywood likes, it’s taking the old and making it new again. Whenever profits stop climbing at a meteoric pace, they need something to reinvigorate the cash-flow. VHS begat DVD. DVD begat Blu-ray. And so it goes.

At the moment, 3D movies are hot. Hot, hot. Hot to the point that it can take a warmed-over remake like My Bloody Valentine and turn it into a box office monster.

Well yeah, duh, of course movies are going to keep turning up in 3D if it can result in an 80% boost in the gross. The problem Hollywood has is getting these 3D …

Popularity: 32% [?]

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Will Your Favorite Movie Be Better In 3D?

by Furious
April 9th, 2009

If you hadn’t yet noticed, 3D is coming back to movies in a big way. Every week or two a new release makes it’s way into a few 3D theaters. By most accounts, or at least box office receipts, people seem to enjoy the 3D thing so Hollywood is going to push it until it’s all pushed out. Because you know, it’s easier to get people to spend more money on movies by making them look spiffier than actually trying to make better movies.

The problem Hollywood has is that not every movie is financially appropriate for 3D. Using Monster vs. Aliens (the biggest digital 3D release to date) as a case study, if you’ve got a big tent pole movie that’s going to be released into over 4,000 theaters, then investing an extra $15 million on the …

Popularity: 31% [?]

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More Mattel Madness: Major Matt Mason

by Furious
March 25th, 2009

Having not grown up in the 1960’s, I’ve never heard of Major Matt Mason and would never have assumed it was a beloved action figure along the lines of the original G.I. Joe. Major Mason was an astronaut who lived and worked on the moon, first appearing in 1966, just in time to capitalize on the Space Race frenzy.

Mattel is pulling the old Mason doll out of the bottom of their toy chest, developing it into a movie as a vehicle for Tom Hanks. I’m sure Hanks would fondly remember playing with his Major Matt Mason doll seeing as he brought one along to a development meeting, but I’m wondering why Mattel would make a movie around a toy that many have never heard of, and those that have probably forgot …

Popularity: 45% [?]

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Stimulating The Economy In 3-D

by Furious
March 19th, 2009

Everyone knows that 3-D is the future of movies. Every week or two we get another new 3-D movie event to go see, even dreck like a remake of My Bloody Valentine. You need look  no further for evidence that, like it or not, 3-D is being forced down our throats.

DreamWorks Animation’s next 3-D event will be Monsters vs. Aliens, releasing on the 27th. What they hope is that people will get all hot and bothered about 3-D and opt to pay the premium over the archaic 2-D projection. DreamWorks had hoped to get a bunch of new theaters converted to 3-D in time for this movie, but there was a little issue with the economy that prevented it.

DreamWorks wanted this to be the big movie that took 3-D mainstream and would obviously do whatever they could …

Popularity: 26% [?]

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Oh Boy, The Bodyguard Remake?

by Furious
March 18th, 2009

It’s supposed to be a secret, but it’s really not. There is obviously some clandestine element in Hollywood that is trying to undermine the film industry. How else can you explain Marley and Me and Paul Blart accounting for $280 million at the box office. Really, there’s no other explanation. And if you can come up with one, then you’re probably one of them.

The main plot this nefarious group of heartless jackals is involved in is to remake every single movie that’s ever been made. It wouldn’t be so obvious if they spaced them out further, but when there’s one released nearly every week, it’s just too conspicuous. I think they’re about halfway through with the horror movies.

The latest news in the campaign to destroy any emotional attachment people may feel towards movies is that The Bodyguard needs a remake. The story of romance and personal security …

Popularity: 18% [?]

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Dante’s Inferno: A Movie Based On A Video Game Based On A Poem

by Furious
March 18th, 2009

Sometimes the ideas these movie people come up with, they’re just too crazy for words. But I’ll try.

The Divine Comedy is an epic poem written by Dante Alighieri back, oh, in the 1300’s. It’s considered one of the world’s greatest works of literature. Inferno represents the first third of the book and details Dante’s journey through Hell, all nine circles of that bitch. Dante and his guide Virgil get to meet and chat up all sorts of sinners and monsters along the way.

Although it’s not an action/adventure story and there’s no battle to speak of, you could see why someone would want to make this a video game. A journey through Hell gives you an excuse to show all kinds of nasty looking stuff and being based on a significant piece of literature makes gamers feel more intelligent. That’s a …

Popularity: 66% [?]

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Why Bother Remaking Missing In Action If It’s Direct-To-Video?

by Furious
March 6th, 2009

When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar. When is a remake not a remake? When it’s an update.

Missing in Action, basically the same as Rambo: First Blood Part II but released a year earlier, was reasonably popular back in it’s day. Vietnam movies were in vogue and everyone loves the idea of a man risking his life to rescue forgotten MIAs. There’s not a more noble premise for a war movie, is there? It was popular enough that the following year a prequel, filmed consecutively with the original, was released, and a sequel a couple years after that. Since Braddock: Missing in Action III, no one’s really given much thought to resurrecting the franchise. Until now.

It looks like the powers of MGM and the WWE are going to combine to give us an updated

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Popularity: 22% [?]

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Hollywood Got A Clue, And They’ll Get Another

by Furious
February 25th, 2009

Hasbro has made it known recently that they are completely unfulfilled with just selling toys and board games. I guess they’re hurting like everyone else, unable to get their net income out of the low hundreds of millions.

To beef up the income statement, they’re making movies out of every damn property they’ve got, be it a game for babies or some random damn toy. Monopoly, Candy Land, Stretch-Friggin-Armstrong. Really, there are no depths they won’t plumb.

But for some reason, some shitass fucking reason, that’s not good enough. They can’t just pick some game off the shelf, throw it on the table and call it good. Nooooo. They’ve got to go after the one, THE LONE, SINGLE BOARD GAME MOVIE THAT ALREADY EXISTS and remake that bitch. Oh yes, those bastards, those shitless asshats are re-fucking-making Clue.

Making a movie, and not just a direct-to-video pile,

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Popularity: 15% [?]

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