Battleship Movie Heads To Drydock

battleshipIt’s been, golly, like a couple weeks since any news of a board game movie has surfaced. I hoped that people finally realized what stupid ideas these movies were and quietly axed them all. Yeah, it was naive of me to think that.

Hasbro finally broke the board game radio silence, announcing they’re getting close to convincing Peter Berg to direct the movie adaptation of Battleship. Obviously, since there is no plot in the game, details on a possible story are nonexistent, unless saying they’ve going for an epic naval action adventure-y type of movie counts as plot details.

Berg is a passable enough director, but it’s going to take a hell of a lot more than his middling talent to craft an interesting story out of a game that’s basically a glorified version of Bingo. Jon and Erich Hoeber are going to have the primary duty in creating the story, seeing that they’ve signed on to write the screenplay. The brothers Hoeber are suddenly a hot commodity having written screenplays for four movies that are yet to be released. They did write one movie you may (or probably may not) have seen, Montana from 1998. Eleven years is a bit of a break after having just broken in.

What the Battleship name will lend to a story is anyone’s guess. B-4? Miss. D-7? Miss. A-9? Miss. I’m sure there’s a story there somewhere. Really, there’s even less to go on than the story behind Candy Land, and there is no story behind Candy Land.

If they really wanted to go all out with the movie, they would combine the capitalization of the Battleship name with a remake of The Battleship Potemkin, combining Hollywood’s fondness for pointless adaptations with it’s love of needless remakes. I could just imagine the Odessa Steps sequence in the new movie: soldiers marching down the steps firing into the crowd calling out Hit! or Miss!

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