Weekend Predictions: 04-10-09

To celebrate Easter this weekend, Hollywood is giving us three new family movies, if, that is, kids can drag their parents to see Hannah Montana, parents can drag their kids along to see Observe and Report, or anyone at all wants to see Dragonball Evolution.

Hannah Montana the Movie is the biggest release this weekend, being crammed into 3,118 theaters. Last year, Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour (which might win the contest for most descriptive title ever) set the record for the highest per theater average for a wide release in the history of the world, a totally asinine $45,561 per theater on the opening weekend. However this time around, the hype isn’t near as big and the movie isn’t advertised as a one week (wink-wink) engagement. I’m thinking the number this weekend will be a much more realistic $23,863,892. Even though that’s a much smaller number than the first Miley movie, don’t be fooled: Disney is still making a killing.

The second biggest release is Observe and Report. It’s the second movie about a mall cop this year. It’s the second movie about a mall cop this year. No matter how many times I say it, the idea just sounds plain stupid and the fact that it’s a reality is just ludicrous. This one has an R rating, so it’s not going to make Paul Blart money, but it is going to please the heck out of it’s target audience. $20,334,422 could be a little high, but it sounds good. It’s the second movie about a mall cop this year.

Bringing up the rear is Dragonball Evolution. I ain’t no Dragonball fan, but I’d say this movie missed the boat. It sounds a few years late to me. And what the hell is up with the name? Isn’t everything else in the franchise ‘Dragon Ball’, two words? Seems weird to change the spelling for the movie. Or maybe it’s just that I don’t know jack about anything Dragon Ball, since I ain’t no Dragonball fan. I’m sure there are a few Dragon Ball or Dragonball fans out there that’ll see this thing, maybe to the tune of $7,864,901. Maybe.

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