Weekend Predictions: 03-13-09

For the first time since the last Friday the 13th, we’ve got three new wide releases for the weekend. We got another Disney family movie, another horror remake, and another sex comedy made by a bunch of people no one has ever heard of. What a great time to be alive!

The Rock, or as most people know him- Dwayne Johnson, is back again with more family-friendly entertainment in Race to Witch Mountain. It first seemed like The Rock’s career was targeted towards entertaining the WWE hoodlums that geeked out whenever he raised his eyebrow, but at some point it shifted towards entertaining the kids that his old fans probably used to beat up. The Game Plan, Gridiron Gang, and soon Tooth Fairy, where he indeed does play the Tooth Fairy. If he didn’t have such a long history of grappling with other dudes, it would be hard to take him seriously in his next action movie, if it ever happens (the animated Planet 51 is up after Tooth Fairy). But he’s been decently successful with these family movies, so what’s it to him. I say $28,731,226 for the weekend.

The second biggest release this weekend is ANOTHER horror remake, The Last House on the Left. Following the formula, the cast features a few recognizable people and a bunch of unknowns, and the crew features a director that hasn’t done much in Hollywood. Even if I despise these remakes, I have to acknowledge that it’s a good business tactic: recognizable name + low cost + moderate success = nice profit. Sure it blows, but there’s no end in sight. This one could make $15,451,977 this weekend.

Last, and very much least, we have Miss March. It looks like the directors/writers/stars of this thing have made a couple TV shows that I’ve never heard of. One of these is called The Whitest Kids U Know and features insightful humor such as “Hey, hey, hold on! So instead of cheating on your mother with another woman, I’ve decided to cheat on her vagina with her butthole!” I’d say someone has sure got a rapist wit. Have fun with your raunchy sex comedy! It could make $6,524,584.

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