Oh Boy, The Bodyguard Remake?

It’s supposed to be a secret, but it’s really not. There is obviously some clandestine element in Hollywood that is trying to undermine the film industry. How else can you explain Marley and Me and Paul Blart accounting for $280 million at the box office. Really, there’s no other explanation. And if you can come up with one, then you’re probably one of them.

The main plot this nefarious group of heartless jackals is involved in is to remake every single movie that’s ever been made. It wouldn’t be so obvious if they spaced them out further, but when there’s one released nearly every week, it’s just too conspicuous. I think they’re about halfway through with the horror movies.

The latest news in the [...]

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Dante's Inferno: A Movie Based On A Video Game Based On A Poem

Sometimes the ideas these movie people come up with, they’re just too crazy for words. But I’ll try.

dantes-infernoThe Divine Comedy is an epic poem written by Dante Alighieri back, oh, in the 1300′s. It’s considered one of the world’s greatest works of literature. Inferno represents the first third of the book and details Dante’s journey through Hell, all nine circles of that bitch. Dante and his guide Virgil get to meet and chat up all sorts of sinners and monsters along the way.

Although it’s not an action/adventure story and there’s no battle to speak of, you could see why someone would want to make this a video game. A journey through Hell [...]

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Weekend Report: The Rock Introduces Watchmen To The People’s Armpit

watchmen-sadWell, it appears Watchmen was just a one weekend wonder, dropping off nearly 70% in it’s second weekend. It’s certainly not what the studio wanted, but probably one of the possible outcomes they foresaw, albeit one they didn’t take too seriously or they wouldn’t have invested such a huge chunk of money in the movie. Even if Watchmen will never be called a success and will cause studios to think twice before blowing hundreds of millions on a fairly obscure comic book adaptation, the real casualties here are the expectations of moviegoers that have been building for nearly a year. Despite Watchmen getting decent reviews, it sure ain’t setting the world on fire.

While Watchmen [...]

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This Date In Movie History: March 17th

March 17th. It’s one of those nondescript days of the year that you think will never really amount to much. It’s just an extra day before March 18th. But on the contrary, the 17th is pretty sweet.

Birthdays:

Gary Sinise was born on this date in 1955 and it don’t matter what else he ever does, he’s never outliving that whole Lieutenant Dan thing.

1927 saw the birth of Rudy Ray Moore. If you don’t mind the language, I’d put up Dolemite as the most quotable movie ever.

Kurt Russell was born in 1951. If he can ever team up with John Carpenter again, I swear it’ll solve the world’s economic problems. Is there a person alive that [...]

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MacGyver Was A Silly TV Show, Now It’s A Silly Movie

Wiktionary defines MacGyver as:

To assemble, or cause to be repaired or completed, an object, device, machine, or project from duct tape as the preferred repair tool, but in its absence, other items, (normally common, ordinary and mundane such as a rubber band or paper clip), not normally used for that purpose, where others would assume one needs a manufactured part, as per the design. Especially: if the items are used in ways significantly different than their intended use.

macgyver-kitEven if you never saw MacGyver, there’s little doubt you know all about the premise about a secret agent who was so resourceful he could literally make anything out of anything. I believe he [...]

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Weekend Predictions: 03-13-09

For the first time since the last Friday the 13th, we’ve got three new wide releases for the weekend. We got another Disney family movie, another horror remake, and another sex comedy made by a bunch of people no one has ever heard of. What a great time to be alive!

The Rock, or as most people know him- Dwayne Johnson, is back again with more family-friendly entertainment in Race to Witch Mountain. It first seemed like The Rock’s career was targeted towards entertaining the WWE hoodlums that geeked out whenever he raised his eyebrow, but at some point it shifted towards entertaining the kids that his old fans probably used to beat up. The Game Plan, Gridiron Gang, and soon Tooth Fairy, where [...]

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How Long Is Long Enough To Start Talking About A Do-Over?

power-buttonThough I have already grown awfully weary of superhero/comic book movies, most of the world has yet to embrace that view. You seemingly can’t hit up any movie website without finding a story about some superhero/comic book movie that is/will be/might hopefully be coming out. Even here, where I’m bitching about those movies.

The movie studios and their comic cohorts are trying to make a movie of every damn comic that’s ever been made. It’s like every obscure comic they can find. Fathom, Jonah Hex, or Preacher anyone? Yeah, apparently those are comic books coming soon to a theater near you.

With both popular and obscure superhero/comic movies in the works and decades of comics [...]

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Weekend Report: Watchmen Crushes The Competition

Even though Watchmen fell $13 million short of my $68,475,712 prediction, it spanked the competition. Madea Goes to Jail came in second with $8.5 million., so my prediction of no other movie cracking $10 million was pretty astute. In fact, Watchmen was the only movie in the top 20 to crack $4,000 per theater.

Somehow Taken ended in 3rd place with $7 million. That’s a real solid number for a movie in it’s sixth week. The Jonas Brother’s Concert, last week’s number two (and will always be a number two in my mind), fell off the face of the Earth, only able to make $2.8 million for the weekend. That’s a 77% drop.

The pisspoor performer of the weekend was a very deserving Friday [...]

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Why Bother Remaking Missing In Action If It’s Direct-To-Video?

missing-in-actionWhen is a door not a door? When it’s ajar. When is a remake not a remake? When it’s an update.

Missing in Action, basically the same as Rambo: First Blood Part II but released a year earlier, was reasonably popular back in it’s day. Vietnam movies were in vogue and everyone loves the idea of a man risking his life to rescue forgotten MIAs. There’s not a more noble premise for a war movie, is there? It was popular enough that the following year a prequel, filmed consecutively with the original, was released, and a sequel a couple years after that. Since Braddock: Missing in Action III, no one’s really given much thought to [...]

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Weekend Predictions: 03-06-09

watchmenThe question is who’s watching the Watchmen? The answer is damn near everyone since this is the only new wide release this weekend. Every other movie apparently trembles in fear of Watchmen’s greatness.

I’ve never been into comics or their high-minded cousin the graphic novel, or all this superhero nonsense either. Really, it just does nothing for me. If it’s a good movie, then great. If it’s not, then it ain’t much of a surprise. A lot of people are already in love with the movie because they love the graphic novel, but a good source does not a good movie make. Although I haven’t read more handful of comics, I know enough to know [...]

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