No One Knows What To Do With These Board Game Movies

cant-believe-thisWith a deluge of board game movies in pre-production, and more announced damn near every day, you’d think Hasbro (who seems to be behind all of these things) would have some plan, some formula to get these things on the big screen. It seems like they’re just randomly selecting a property and throwing it out there with a pile of money, giving the project to whomever trips over it. But really, they’ve got to have some plan, right?

MTV was able to get the scoop on a couple of these movies and it seems, just like we may ponder about how the hell it could translate into a movie, the filmmakers haven’t a clue either.

Monopoly executive producer and Hasbro CEO Brian Goldner says Ridley Scott has “built these great big worlds of imagination” and the script is about “about real people kind of playing a real-life game of ‘Monopoly,’ not the board game, although they’re icons of the game. And then you really get the idea why this story could make sense right now.”

Ridley Scott says, “I have do direct it.” Then after thoughtfully making up a story to fill out the interview says, “We’re in progress right now. We’re having it written. We have identified a pretty good story and it is fundamentally a movie, not a game, probably describing in a way the characters in the film, the passion of the game, and how the game came about.” Translation- we’ve got no clue how to turn this into a story so we’re making up some crap and including some Monopoly elements.

So it’s a movie, well it’s fundamentally a movie (what the shit does that mean?), about the real icons of Monopoly (top hat, shoe, thimble, wheelbarrow) playing real-life Monopoly in a big world of imagination. And it’s an origin story. And it’s pretty good. And it makes sense.

Then there’s Candy Land, a game with basically no premise. Golder describes the story as “Imagine if you took that basic idea of going to a better place, and then allowed the audience to go to that same place together. But then you come to find out, like every other place that’s promised to just be all better and all sweets and candy, you come to find out there’s actually some controversy there as well, that of course the stars of the movie have to solve for.” He goes on to say that it’s “very human and very natural.”

I don’t know about you, but that sounds an awful lot South Park’s Imaginationland. It also sounds a a damn lot like Hansel and Gretel. It also sounds pretty lame.

If these are the best undescriptive descriptions that can be given for these two extremely popular games, what are they going to come up with when they roll out Trouble or Pass the Pigs?

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