The Happening aka The Crappening

the-crappeningRegardless of the warnings I received, I was bound and determined to see The Happening. There’s no way, I said, that it can be as bad as everyone says. They’re all jaded because of M. Night Shyamalan’s undying love of the twist ending, that’s all. I’ll see it and enjoy it, just like his under-appreciated The Village. The Lady in the Water, that was just an anomaly. Shyamalan’s cup of hubris had runneth over. Things could only get better.

After seeing The Crappening, I really wish I would have heeded those warnings. This has to be one of the worst movies I’ve seen by a director with as much talent as Shyamalan. It was bad [...]

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Weekend Report: He’s Just Not That Into The Pink Panther

Despite having a real mixed bag of new releases to go with the mixed bag of previously released movies, there was a 22% increase in total box office from last weekend. It was nice, but the movies released this weekend were a little higher profile than last week. I guess that goes to show you that maybe the Super Bowl doesn’t have a huge impact on the box office.

Coming in at number one was the movie based on a plotless book, He’s Just Not That into You. Despite shamelessly capitalizing on the title of a book that shamelessly got it’s title from a TV show having no shame, it seems women were pretty hard up for a romantic comedy, not being satisfied with [...]

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Weekend Predictions: 02-06-09

this-baby-says-boringIf you’re going to see a movie this month, might as well make it this weekend. This is as good as it’ll get until March, when some event movies start showing up. Until then it just gets more bleak every week.

Don’t be embarrassed to ogle the spreadsheet.

First up this week is The Pink Panther 2. No, this isn’t a re-release and re-titling of A Shot in the Dark, it’s a sequel to 2006′s The Pink Panther. The first one made plenty of money, so a sequel was inevitable and I predict, as worthless. Steve Martin, shame on you. While Martin should be walking around wearing a scarlet thumbs down, the real asshole is [...]

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Great Caesar’s Ghost! Candy Land The Movie?!

I could swear I remember reading something about board game movies being one of the signs of the Apocalypse. Well, maybe not, but they certainly sound like something that could only happen before our world comes to an end.

Movies based on board games have thankfully been few and far between, but they’ve suddenly turned into one of the preeminent genres in movies. First comes the head-scratcher that Ridley Scott is going to direct a movie based on Monopoly. Somehow that announcement legitimized board games as an honest place to go dumpster diving for ideas.

Now we can also prepare ourselves to receive the cinematic wonders of a movie based on Candy Land, the basically premise-less game- you draw cards to move along colored [...]

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OHDEARGOD A Slapshot Remake?

slap-shotCompared to other sports, hockey has been relatively untouched by Hollywood. It’d be easier to name a high percentage of all the hockey movies ever made than any other sport. I’m not sure how many there really are, but this list of hockey movies has everything I could think of and a few I’ve never heard of, 16 in all. Maybe it’s our way of showing Canada that they’re just America’s hat. Or maybe it’s just not popular enough to garner much attention.

Even though there have been so few hockey movies, it looks like all the hockey ideas have been used up. Universal Pictures is prepping a remake of Slap Shot. It’s often regarded [...]

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Weekend Report: Everyone’s Taken With Taken

The Super Bowl was not kind to the theaters. The total take at the box office was $103,002,446- 20% off from last week, but it was up $2 million from last year, so I guess that’s a success.

It turns out Liam Neeson is an action star. If I had said Taken would account for 24% of the total money spent at movie theaters this past weekend, I wouldn’t have waited for you to call me crazy, I’d have done it myself. It almost doubled my prediction and nearly hit the $26 million I originally calculated. The $24,717,037 it made was pretty impressive considering it nearly doubled up on the most popular movie of 2009- Paul Blart: Mall Cop. And it was the biggest [...]

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5 Alternative Sports Movies For The Offseason

Since the NFL season ends today and won’t be seen again until August, it seems like a good time to study up on some of the non-mainstream sports you might take an interest in until football returns.

Rollerball

rollerballDo I really need to say this would the 1975 version of Rollerball that I’m talking about? I wish it weren’t the case, because Chris Klein couldn’t even be in the same room as James Caan’s jockstrap, let alone hold it. The year is 2018 and Rollerball is THE sport. Two teams of ten (seven skaters and three on motorcycles) circle the track in an attempt to get possession of a grapefruit-sized steel ball and place it [...]

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