Great Caesar’s Ghost! Candy Land The Movie?!

I could swear I remember reading something about board game movies being one of the signs of the Apocalypse. Well, maybe not, but they certainly sound like something that could only happen before our world comes to an end.

Movies based on board games have thankfully been few and far between, but they’ve suddenly turned into one of the preeminent genres in movies. First comes the head-scratcher that Ridley Scott is going to direct a movie based on Monopoly. Somehow that announcement legitimized board games as an honest place to go dumpster diving for ideas.

Now we can also prepare ourselves to receive the cinematic wonders of a movie based on Candy Land, the basically premise-less game- you draw cards to move along colored spaces until you reach the end, at which point it is rumored that you have found the lost king of Candy Land. This is the game kids play before they know what a game is. This is a game that is recommended for three-year olds. I really can’t comprehend what the movie could be about, since nothing really happens in the game, nor is it really about anything.

This has to be a dream come true for Hasbro and Universal Studios. People will see the movie because it shares the name of a source of nostalgia. People will buy the game because seeing the name of the movie will remind them of a source of nostalgia. People will have zero expectations for the movie because the only thing anyone knows about the game is the name.

The countdown begins for: Yahtzee the Movie, Sorry! the Movie, Perfection the Movie, Trouble the Movie, Trivial Pursuit the Movie, Parcheesi the Movie, Scrabble the Movie, The Game of Life the Movie, Operation the Movie, Risk the Movie, Pictionary the Movie, Cranium the Movie, Memory the Movie, Guess Who? the Movie (not to be confused with Guess Who, an equally bad idea), and Chutes and Ladders the Movie.

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