Did Mike Meyers Make The Worst Movie Of 2008?

by Furious
January 3rd, 2009

Up until a few years ago, I always felt compelled to finish watching a movie once I started. I think it’s most likely that I’ve always thought that even if a movie doesn’t entertain, at least I could learn what makes a movie bad. I’m not sure if I’ve just seen enough movies that I get bored easily or that I’ve finally realized I won’t be around forever and value my remaining time way too much, but if I can’t find a reason to keep watching a movie past the first act, I’m done.

One of the most recent victims of my new philosophy was The Love Guru. And I couldn’t even give that pile until the first act. By the time it got to the hockey rink, I was through with it. In those few minutes it was annoying, stupid, idiotic, moronic, asinine, unfunny, kind of insulting, and devoid of any compelling reason to continue watching. I mean I just sat through Step Brothers, so it’s not like I give up that easily, but Guru opens with multiple dick jokes. If it starts off that low, I don’t want to find out what quasi comedic depths it’s going to plumb. I inadvertently learned it ends with elephants boning, so I think I was justified in my assessment.

Now that “worst movie” lists are coming out, I think cutting bait on The Love Guru was a prudent decision. It is popping up on all kinds of those lists. You can see examples here and here and here and here and here and here and here. The other movie that is ubiquitous to most lists is Disaster Movie, but no one involved with that movie gave a crap about it. Except Carmen Electra. Her boobs and these stupid spoof movies are all she has going for her.

But people expect more out of Mike Meyers. He’s had a successful track record of turning laughs into money. Guru proved that his mojo is gone, but I could see this coming for a while. Specifically while I was siting in a tiny theater watching Austin Powers in Goldmember.

Have you ever seen the Simpson’s episode HOMR? During the episode, it’s discovered that Homer has a crayon lodged in his brain. He gets it removed because, in a classic Homer misunderstanding, he thinks it will increase his killing power. Instead it just increases his intelligence- from village idiot to learned scholar. Homer’s newfound intelligence causes the usual calamities, but the major problem doesn’t occur until Homer goes to see the latest romantic comedy. The movie is full of cliches and catchphrases and all the usual crap, but everybody in the theater thinks it’s a riot. Well, everyone but Homer. He just can’t find a single damn thing funny about it.

I’m not trying to boast about my intellect, but while I sat in that theater watching Goldmember, I was the only one not laughing. I laughed at the jokes in International Man of Mystery and I chortled at them in The Spy Who Shagged Me, but by the third time they just weren’t funny. It was a pattern of going back to the well that, for me anyway, had gone totally stale. And now, it looks like most other people are starting to feel the same way.

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