Time For A Predator Do-Over

angry-predatorJust because a movie was made, does that necessitate that it needs to be remade? That damn well seems the case lately, with practically every movie made between 1970 and 1990 getting a do-over.

The whole 3-D thing, it’s not just that it opens a new revenue stream for the studios. Part of the inertia behind it is so when all these movies are remade a second time, they’ll all be in 3-D. It’ll be different enough so that John Q. Moviepatron won’t realize that he’s seeing the same thing for a third time.

The rumors have started to solidify around a Predator remake. It’s been something Robert Rodriguez has been involved with for some [...]

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Weekend Predictions: 01-30-09

This will most likely be a poor weekend for movies. If you hadn’t heard, “The Big Game” is this Sunday. “The Big Game” is the Super Bowl, but since the NFL protects it’s intellectual properties like no other, you’ll hear “The Big Game” a whole lot more than Super Bowl. They tried to trademark “The Big Game” too, but that was going too far. Since the Super Bowl effectively makes Sunday the day the Earth stands still, probably going to cut into box office returns.

Check out the prediction calculations here.

The biggest new release of the weekend is Taken. The difference between this and the Luc Besson-Jason Statham actioners is that Liam Neeson is a fairly respected actor and gives the movie a [...]

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Rebooting Tomb Raider- The Movie, Not The Game

lara-croft-rhona-mitraDo you happen to remember the movie Lara Croft: Tomb Raider? How about Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life? Yes? No? Doesn’t matter, they’re starting from scratch.

When Time Warner upped it’s stake in video game publisher Eidos in December, the film rights to Tomb Raider were part of the deal. Now they’ve announced the rebooting of the Tomb Raider movie franchise, replete with a reworking of the Lara Croft character- new back-story, villains, love interests, yippee! I mean that whole thing with her being a rich English adventurer following in the footsteps of her dad was sooooo tired. It totally needs a revamp because… who the hell knows? A total whitewashing of [...]

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A-Team Movie Nearing A Reality

“In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.”

a-team-picHas there ever been a better premise for a TV show? The A-Team worked because it was exciting (at least to a little kid), silly, and perfectly cast. Could you find two actors as disparate as George Peppard and Mr. T? Doubtful, but the characters really [...]

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Weekend Report: Someone Keeps Blarting In The Theater

It happened again. Against all odds, or at least good judgment, Paul Blart: Mall Cop is tops at the box office for the second week in a row, finagling $21,623,182 out of unsuspecting moviegoers. It’s mind-bottling that this movie has made $65 million. Success of this magnitude guarantees more of this drivel. I can’t wait for the sequel- Hank Shart: Parking Lot Attendant.

Needless to say, my prediction of $27,139,887 for Underworld: Rise of the Lycans was off. Underworld ended the weekend in second place with $20,828,511. With all the recent success of horror movies, I really expected it to do better. Maybe My Bloody Valentine’s $10 million cut into it’s profits a little. Or maybe people aren’t all that into the whole vampire [...]

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Does “Best Picture” Really Mean Anything?

oscar-pimpNow that the Academy Award nominations have been announced, there are five more movies that will go down in history as those identified by the most widely respected movie adjudication entity as the best made last year. The nominees for Best Picture are The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Frost/Nixon, Milk, The Reader, and Slumdog Millionaire. None of them will appear on the list of the most successful movies of the year- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button currently sits at number 20 for movies released in 2008, but well short of the top 5 as of the announcement of the nominations. It follows that none of them will be near the top in attendance [...]

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Weekend Predictions: 01-23-09

rise-of-the-lycansNot a great weekend for new movies, this. Only two new movies will appear in more than 81 theaters, and then less than 3,000. But if you like those movies that were nominated for Academy Awards, several are expanding to wider releases. Now’s the time for them to capitalize on all that award buzz.

Check out all my detailed calculations here.

The biggest new release is the much anticipated Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, in 2,942 theaters. The first Underworld was a pretty decent movie, but the second one started getting a little too concerned with the mythology, but heck, it did outgross the first one. Even though the third installment goes to new, nerdlier, [...]

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Weekend Report: Mall Cop Makes Good

The biggest movie this weekend was, as Paul Harvey said, “something called Paul Blart: Mall Cop.” Somehow this movie exceeded everyone’s expectations, including Sony Pictures. It was the only new movie that is really accessible to all demographics and it took advantage of it.

Paul Blart made me look pretty stupid for predicting $13,028,182. The total for the three day weekend came to $31,832,636. Unfortunately my formula is unable to account for the tastes of American moviegoers. One weekend it’s an aging actor in what could be his career-defining role (Gran Torino), the next it’s a critically-bashed Die Hard-esque family comedy. Go figure. For those interested, blart is a portmanteau of the words blood and fart.

My Bloody Valentine 3-D came in third at [...]

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Truth In Advertising?

I inadvertently saw a commercial for Without a Paddle: Nature Calling, which was apparently released on DVD last week. It was news to me, but anything about this movie would be because I would never advertently try to gain any info on this movie. It must be a sequel to the Seth Green/Matthew Lillard/Dax Shepard barnburner Without a Paddle.

Ordinarily seeing a commercial for a sequel I would never see to a movie I never saw and have no plans to see would cause my brain to engage boob tube zombie mode where the images hit my eyeballs but fail to leave a lasting impression on my cerebral cortex. Unfortunately something caught my attention and now, for better or worse but most likely worse, [...]

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Weekend Predictions: 01-16-09

It’s January and the studios are still cleansing their bowels of the movies that can’t hang with the big boys. If you don’t believe me, I offer implicit proof in the form of Hotel for Dogs being the widest release this weekend.

I’d like enter this spreadsheet into evidence as exhibit A.

Hotel for Dogs is being unleashed in 3,271 theaters this weekend. It’s a movie about a couple of kids that turn a dilapidated hotel into a refuge for stray dogs. I wish someone would have put a muzzle on the guy that pitched this idea. Dog jokes used up. The movie stars a couple kids who’ve appeared in a couple kid movies and is directed by a guy who’s few movies weren’t [...]

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