Sylvester Stallone Is Making The Greatest Movie Ever

sylvester stallone waxAfter the moderate successes of Rambo and Rocky Balboa, Sylvester Stallone is continuing his trip down memory lane. He’s writing and directing a movie about mercenaries in South America attempting to overthrow an evil dictator- The Expendables. By all accounts the plot is as simple as the one sentence summary. It’s simple, but totally awesome. It reminds me of (obviously) Rambo, Missing in Action, Commando- all the great 80′s military-ish action movies.

But it’s not just the plot that kicks ass, it’s the cast. Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, and Dolph Lundgren have all already been announced. Now Forrest Whittaker and UFC hall of famer Randy Couture have been added to the cast. [...]

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Weekend Predictions: 12-12-08

What a weekend for the triumphant return of the weekend predictions. We’ve got a overwrought sci-fi remake and an animated movie that no one has heard of. They’re the two widest releases, but they’re on total opposite ends of the spectrum.

Check out the handy spreadsheet.

The biggest release of the weekend, and the biggest in Alpha Centauri, is The Day the Earth Stood Still. If they were going to send a movie into space, why not a good movie? Fortunately all the residents of Alpha Centauri have four years for this movie to arrive. At least they have more time to prepare. The rest of us have to endure this mess right now. It’s funny that both Keanu Reeves and director Scott Derrickson [...]

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Oscars Might Be Worth Watching

I used to watch the Academy Awards religiously. But I stopped watching them as of 2005. The predictability of the winners, celebrity idolization, and grating Tonight Show format created a perfect storm of disgust, so I just read about the winners the next day.

The rumor is that this year the producers are going to chose a non-comedian to host and dump the intro monologue/song-and-dance. This is great news! The format is tired and the jokes always either childish or ego-stroking. Other than to stretch the show out to sell more advertising, I never really saw the point of the big comedy segments. It almost got the feel of a variety show at times.

They [...]

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Golden Globe Noms Are Out

golden globes awards signsThis year’s Golden Globe nominations are out. Since studios release their award hopefuls at the end of the year so they’re fresh in everyone’s head, it’s no surprise that the list is filled with movies that have been working the festivals but have yet to get a general release. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association has a tendency to reward those who’ve put in an effort to win an award, so it’s not much of a surprise.

What will surprise many people, and possibly bring the Internet to a standstill, is that The Dark Knight only got one nomination. All the people who have been touting this as the most amazingly deep and [...]

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Assessing The Weekend: Punisher Punishes The Box Office

What do you get when you have one new wide release and the previous five week’s picked over corpses? You get the fourth smallest weekend of the year at $76,677,578- a 50% decrease from the previous weekend.

punisher skullThe only new release of any size was Punisher: War Zone. Even though 2004′s The Punisher didn’t do much even with John Travolta’s name, Lionsgate felt it was wise to give the franchise a makeover without having any recognizable names. When Dominic West, Ray Stevenson, and Wayne Knight are the biggest names, you better have a damned good movie if you expect to make any money. But Punisher: War Zone is not a good movie. It pulled [...]

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Paradise Lost Movie Details From The 12-Year Old Director

paradise lost luciferJohn Milton’s Paradise Lost is one of the great works of Western literature. It details Adam and Eve’s expulsion from the Garden of Eden by way of their eating of fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil after a little nudging by Satan. Milton’s purpose for the story was to “justify the ways of God to men.” The book is separated into 12 ‘books.’ 1-4 cover Satan’s plotting and journey to Eden, 5-6 give the back-story on Satan’s war in Heaven, and 7-12 deal with the aftermath of Adam and Eve’s disobedience.

Scott Derrickson, director of The Exorcism of Emily Rose and the upcoming The Day the Earth Stood Still [...]

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Public Domain Movie Of The Week: My Man Godfrey

During the Great Depression, one of the most popular characters was the bum with a heart of gold. Nearly everyone could identify with a down on his luck, destitute guy that still held his head up high. The other sentiment that nearly everyone loved was that the rich were a bunch of self-concerned idiots. My Man Godfrey epitomizes both those ideals and connected with both audiences and critics. The story of a bum (formerly a member of a wealthy family) hired as the butler for a family of rich eccentrics and inadvertently gets the romantic attention of one of the daughters was able to capture the public’s imagination by using an anti-wealthy/pro-poor storyline.

My Man Godfrey was able to earn Academy Award nominations for [...]

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Indiana Jones And The Spaceship Of Crap

The latest Indiana Jones movie went through several names before they settled on Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. There were Indiana Jones and the: Saucer Men from Mars, City of Gods, Destroyer of Worlds, Son of Indiana Jones, Mysterians, Atomic Ants, Phantom City of Gods. A couple of those have to be jokes, but honestly, it clearly illustrates the asinine journey this movie took.

Psychic alien skulls and inter-dimensional flying saucers are about as relevant to the Indiana Jones universe as the appendix to the human body- they’re unnecessary and you’re often better off getting rid of them. It could be argued that the religious relics of the previous three movies were just as ridiculous, [...]

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Kung Fu Panda: My Fat Belly Style Can Defeat Whatever You Got

One trait common to all Kung Fu masters is that they practice a distinctive style of Kung Fu- Monkey, Crane, Hamster. But when you’re a big, cuddly Panda, the options are limited: either sneeze and try to scare the hell out of everyone or develop your own style around your enormous gut.

In Kung Fu Panda, Po (Jack Black) is charged with the task of discovering his own style of Kung Fu as he tries to fulfill his destiny as the Dragon Warrior, which he tackles with great enthusiasm. Vicious beatings by Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) and the Furious Five, all chagrined that they were not chosen to be the Dragon Warrior, cannot crush his spirit, [...]

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Assessing The Weekend: Holiday Crapshoot

If you hadn’t noticed, I passed on making a prediction for this past weekend. Aside from making changes to the site, I just wasn’t sure how to approach the long weekend- four days for most of us, but five days as far as movies are concerned. Maybe Thanksgiving day would be especially high or low, maybe Wednesday and Thursday would be big and the rest of the weekend would peter out. And my uncertainty wasn’t totally unfounded: Wednesday the 19th made $6,526,023 while the 26th pulled in $33,325,833, yet Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were nearly the same as the previous week.

Somehow 4.4 million people went to see Four Christmases. That was enough to win [...]

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