Where Do They Reimagine This Stuff?

by Furious
September 22nd, 2008

So, do you ever have one of those mornings where you wake up and, still groggy from sleep, see something so absolutely horrifying that you’re sure you must still be dreaming and you figure the quickest way to wake yourself up is to launch yourself headfirst down the stairs, only to realize that this dream is a terrifying, bleak reality from which there is no waking and that flinging yourself headfirst down the stairs might be a reasonable thing to do? This is one of those mornings.

Variety offers up all the gory details of a Moby Dick reimagining remake or adaptation or what have you. Yes, the “graphic novel-style version” of Moby Dick, now in movie form! That’s right, the tale of man’s futile obsession with conquering nature will be turned into a story of a crazed whale and the heroic captain that harpooned it’s ass. It sounds so exciting when they say:

This is an opportunity to take a timeless classic and capitalize on the advances in visual effects to tell what at its core is an action-adventure revenge story.

Why don’t they just remake Orca instead? It’s basically the same thing- a bloodthirsty killer whale terrorizing the jerk who killed it’s mate. Ooh, maybe Paramount will jump on that and we’ll have competing whale movies at the box office- just like the white guys helping the natives throw down between Dances with Wolves and Quigley Down Under.

Honestly, is this the kind of thing a civilized society should condone?

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